Did you ever see a robin weep when leaves begin to die? It means he's lost the will to live.

This is sort of hard for me to write especially after the last blog. In which I insisted that I couldn't be broken. I lied. I am broken. I guess the truth is, I can't be repaired. I thought that the way I am...I thought I was okay. I'm not. I'm just delirious and delusional. I force myself to think things are okay and that I'm fine. I even pretend that I'm better than fine. I say things like, "you'll never break me." What I really mean is "You can't break me anymore than I already am." I'm irreparable.
This hurts to write because I'm finally admitting to myself that I'm still lost and I still have no idea what I want. I know I'm still young and that I have plenty of time to figure it out, but I feel incredibly lost. Maybe it's time for a change. I keep telling myself that I want to escape to Ireland someday, when I have the money. I make excuses constantly about why I haven't changed my life to be the way I want it to be. I am starting to realize the reason I haven't done anything is fear. I'm terrified that I'm stuck this way forever, so why bother? Or maybe I'm afraid to change. I know myself now. I know when a "mood" is coming. I can feel when my emotions are getting out of whack and I'm getting good at hiding them. A new me means new emotions, new moods, new everything. Maybe I'm afraid to be someone new, or maybe I'm afraid I'll actually find myself. I really don't know, I just know that I'm afraid.
I really needed to write this to let everyone know that I'm going to sort of disappear for a while. I'm going to work, reflect, save money, etc. And then I'm escaping. I'm going to miss you very much. If you read this blog and I don't know you, thank you so much for letting me be apart of your life for so long. And I promise to return, so stay subscribed.
If you're reading this, and I do know you. I'm sorry you didn't know the real me. And I'm going to miss you so much. I can guarantee that. You should have my number if you really need to contact me.

Whether I know you or not, I love you. And I always will.
Jenny-Lynn. <3