Just in case you were wondering...

I know, I didn't use the date as the title. I figured I would stop doing that. Why do you need to see the date twice up there?
What does this title mean? It means different things for different people out there.
To the guy who broke my heart and watched me cry and beg for you back...just in case you were wondering, I'm okay. I cried for a while over you and I think that's why I'm okay now. I can see you and not yearn for you because I know what you're capable of. And quite frankly, it disgusts me a little.

To the "friend" I had to cut out of my life...just in case you were wondering, your words don't hurt me. I feel relieved to have cut you out of my life. Your drama WAS too much to handle. You were ridiculous about everything and just too much for me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if you do trash me in your blog constantly. I hope you find an inner peace and realize what you have to offer the world. I hope that one day you look at your arm and say, "I don't need to do this anymore." I hope that you find a true love so pure, you can't believe you ever thought you loved anyone else in this world or any other. I hope that one day when you're sitting there, thinking bad about me, you realize that I will have nothing but nice things to say about you. And lastly, I hope that you get over your vices and become the man I know you are inside.

To the people who look at me and feel sorry for me or feel the need to make fun of me because you think that "nerd" is a disease....just in case you were wondering, I don't care what you think. My nerdiness is my own and I love it. I wouldn't change that for anyone or anything in this world. Guess what? My true friends love me for my nerdisms. If you think my nerdisms are too intense for you, don't talk to me. Or just leave those things out of the conversation. I get it, I'm not your type or the type of person who you would want to be friends with. You don't understand my references. That's fine. Just leave me alone then.

To my brother...just in case you were wondering, I wish we were closer. I wish we could hang out and do stuff together. We went through so much together and yet we can barely be in the same room without one of us getting agitated at some point. I don't get it.

To my friends who stick with me through everything...just in case you were wondering, I love you so much for that. I know who you are when you text me to make plans and don't seem annoyed by me the entire time we're together. I couldn't have made it through a lot of the things I've been going through lately if it wasn't for you. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to give me a hug, or just a good tough love talk (Eric), you are so awesome. I wish I could have a million more friends like you.

To my best friend Sam...just in case you were wondering......I am so happy you're back in my life. I like the new you. A lot.


To my mom...just in case you were wondering, I'm okay with you getting married. I think that it's great you want to settle down with him. I just don't get it. Also, I love you. I know we don't always get along and I know that we sometimes (read: always) fight. I know that I can't have a conversation with you sometimes. But, I also know that I would die for you. I would kill for you. You're my mom. I just wish you could see me as the little girl who adored you before all the crap you and dad put Nick and I through. I wish you could understand how I felt inside when we fight and when you tell me that you don't need me in your life. I wish you could feel the anguish I feel when I see people in my life getting matching tattoos with their moms, or going to see a movie with them, or just hanging out with them. You could never know how much you hurt me sometimes. But, you could also never know how much I love you for being my mother and for giving me life. For giving me my little brother. For being the one I cried to about relationships that failed.

To my dad...just in case you were wondering, I miss you. I know you're literally in the next room, but you're not the same anymore. I want my best friend back. I know we say it all the time, "Oh, she's my daughter but she's my best friend." "He's my dad, but seriously, we act more like brother and sister." But, I feel like we're just saying it to keep it alive lately. You never talk to me anymore, you're always watching tv, or you're just busy. Even when we hang out, I feel like you're so disinterested in what I have to say. I talk and talk and talk, and I get no response from you. Then when you talk, it's not even about what we're talking about. You just start a new conversation. I feel like I don't even have to be there. I don't know what happened. I can feel that I'm not your little girl anymore, and it hurts. More than you'll ever know. I just want my dad back.


That's it for today guys. Mainly because I can't do this without crying. Oh, one more.

To the person reading this...just in case you were wondering, I love you. More than you could ever imagine. More than I should care about people I've never met, actually, people who I have no idea if they actually exist. I love you for being there when I needed you most. These past 5 months have only been possible because of you.

Love,
Jenny-Lynn. <3