So I've decided that today is going to be happy. Well, I have decided that I will listen to a special someone and make one that isn't so depressing and "makes me want to kill myself." I have accepted that my emotions have taken over my life. That I no longer control them, they have started to control me and that my life has become unmanageable because of them. I feel like I've made a step towards bettering myself and my life.
Let's talk about today and a little about last night. I'm only going to talk a bit about last night. Those of you who read the post last night know that I was in a ... not so fantastic place. But when am I ever, right?On a serious note though, last night was really bad. I lost someone really important to me and I thought I would never see them again and that I had ruined everything with them because of my depression. They told me that I needed to get my self and my life together before they would even speak to me again. He was right though. I do need to get myself and my life together. And he had every right to walk away from me. He never should have had to deal with the emotional stress that came along with my problems. Now, on to the happiness!
Last night, I was really low and when he realized how low he decided that it was more important to help me than to worry about how he was being affected. That made me realize that maybe people actually do care about me and maybe I'm not so terrible of a person. So he came and picked me up. We went to Wal*Mart, sat in the parking lot, had a really great talk, went to Wawa, got some food, went back to my place, he spent the night (literally nothing happened, we just slept), spent all day together, then I went to school. I learned a whole bunch of new massage techniques, and got to work on a new body. It was amazing. Today has been a fantastic day. And I've decided to help myself and to stop waiting for someone or something to come along and give me validation. I know a lot people out there reading this, if there are even a lot of people reading this, are thinking "so in about a week this girl has overcome a serious case of depression? bullshit." I'm nowhere near overcoming this. I am just helping myself to get over it. I'm taking the first step out of this. The first step out of twelve actually.
Step #1. Admit that one is powerless over his/her emotions - that their life has become unmanageable.
Done. Check. Fin. Only 11 more to go.
I wish I knew who you were. Maybe leave me some comments or something?
As always,
I love you.
Jenny-Lynn. <3
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