Hey all!
I know it's been way too long and I am sorrryyy.
I guess I should start off with the basics. School is ... not so good. Not that I don't love it or anything like that, but my I am having some difficulties with the school that I have to sort out. Pretty much, my attendance fell below the allowed percentage by 8 percentage points and now I have to appeal to get back into the program. So, there is that.
Work is great. I love my job and the people I work with. Everything is so relaxed and everyone is so chill. It's definitely a different pace than I'm used to.
The kitten is getting way too big and the dog is turning a year old in about 4 days.
So now for the good stuff!
Friendships: I'm starting to really realize who I want to keep in my life and who I wouldn't mind letting go. I have always had a grasp on that sort of thing, but I sort of lost it for a little while. And lately I've gained it back a lot. I'm really happy with the people in my life now. =]
Romance: I am so happy to be where I am in my life in the romantic sense. I know who I am, where I want to go with my life, and who I want that special guy to be. I also am pretty sure I have actually talked to this man multiple times. I thought it might have been this guy that I've known forever. I thought, yeah, this has to be right. That's the old story. Best friends become lovers become soul mates. However, when I told this person how I felt about them, after years of them chasing me by the way, they sort of ... stopped talking to me. Not altogether, don't get me wrong. Just enough for me to get the hint. It was the chase. And I'm okay with that now. I wasn't so much then, but I realized something, I would rather get the hint now and move on and still love him then to keep pressing and make a big deal out of it and lose someone way too important to me.
On a positive note, there is someone. Once again, I won't mention any names because I have found that opening my mouth ...err..fingers? .. whatever, and blogging about the guy I'm talking to seems to blow up in my face. However, I will tell you this. He's a teacher. He's 26. He's really cute. He's funny. He's excitable like me! I have a school girl crush on him. He says he has a crush on me as well. He's incredibly fun to be around. And I haven't stopped thinking about him since we met. =] He made a huge impact on me and I'm not exactly sure why or what specific detail sparked it, but I like it.
Family: I've been a lot closer to my family since that last entry. My mom saw it, and she cried. Then she showed pretty much everyone mentioned in it. Unfortunately, I forgot one. It was my grandparents. My Mommom and Poppi. I don't have the relationship with them that I would like, and it's mostly because I don't have a car to get over there whenever I want to. But, it's also because, I feel like I disappoint them. I feel like a total failure in comparison to my cousins and my aunt and my uncle...I feel like I'm the fuck up kid. I'm the one who didn't go to college and get a real job. I work and live pay check to pay check. I'm not exactly the prettiest girl in the world and I know they wanted me to be gorgeous like I was as a kid. I'm not the skinniest of girls either. I have tattoos and used to have piercings. I wanted to tell them that I wish they could accept me for who I am. The tattooed massage therapist who is okay with herself and her looks and who isn't financially stable...I miss them a lot. =/
I guess that's really all I have to say today.
Here's a quote I really like..
"I can sum up all I have learned about life in three words: It goes on." -Robert Frost.
I just want to be there, when we're caught in the rain. I just want to see you laugh, not cry. I just want to feel you when the night puts on its cloak. A loss for words, don't tell me. Cuz all I can say, I love you till the end.
I can't escape, I love you till the end.
Jenny-Lynn. <3
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Just in case you were wondering...
I know, I didn't use the date as the title. I figured I would stop doing that. Why do you need to see the date twice up there?
What does this title mean? It means different things for different people out there.
To the guy who broke my heart and watched me cry and beg for you back...just in case you were wondering, I'm okay. I cried for a while over you and I think that's why I'm okay now. I can see you and not yearn for you because I know what you're capable of. And quite frankly, it disgusts me a little.
To the "friend" I had to cut out of my life...just in case you were wondering, your words don't hurt me. I feel relieved to have cut you out of my life. Your drama WAS too much to handle. You were ridiculous about everything and just too much for me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if you do trash me in your blog constantly. I hope you find an inner peace and realize what you have to offer the world. I hope that one day you look at your arm and say, "I don't need to do this anymore." I hope that you find a true love so pure, you can't believe you ever thought you loved anyone else in this world or any other. I hope that one day when you're sitting there, thinking bad about me, you realize that I will have nothing but nice things to say about you. And lastly, I hope that you get over your vices and become the man I know you are inside.
To the people who look at me and feel sorry for me or feel the need to make fun of me because you think that "nerd" is a disease....just in case you were wondering, I don't care what you think. My nerdiness is my own and I love it. I wouldn't change that for anyone or anything in this world. Guess what? My true friends love me for my nerdisms. If you think my nerdisms are too intense for you, don't talk to me. Or just leave those things out of the conversation. I get it, I'm not your type or the type of person who you would want to be friends with. You don't understand my references. That's fine. Just leave me alone then.
To my brother...just in case you were wondering, I wish we were closer. I wish we could hang out and do stuff together. We went through so much together and yet we can barely be in the same room without one of us getting agitated at some point. I don't get it.
To my friends who stick with me through everything...just in case you were wondering, I love you so much for that. I know who you are when you text me to make plans and don't seem annoyed by me the entire time we're together. I couldn't have made it through a lot of the things I've been going through lately if it wasn't for you. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to give me a hug, or just a good tough love talk (Eric), you are so awesome. I wish I could have a million more friends like you.
To my best friend Sam...just in case you were wondering......I am so happy you're back in my life. I like the new you. A lot.
To my mom...just in case you were wondering, I'm okay with you getting married. I think that it's great you want to settle down with him. I just don't get it. Also, I love you. I know we don't always get along and I know that we sometimes (read: always) fight. I know that I can't have a conversation with you sometimes. But, I also know that I would die for you. I would kill for you. You're my mom. I just wish you could see me as the little girl who adored you before all the crap you and dad put Nick and I through. I wish you could understand how I felt inside when we fight and when you tell me that you don't need me in your life. I wish you could feel the anguish I feel when I see people in my life getting matching tattoos with their moms, or going to see a movie with them, or just hanging out with them. You could never know how much you hurt me sometimes. But, you could also never know how much I love you for being my mother and for giving me life. For giving me my little brother. For being the one I cried to about relationships that failed.
To my dad...just in case you were wondering, I miss you. I know you're literally in the next room, but you're not the same anymore. I want my best friend back. I know we say it all the time, "Oh, she's my daughter but she's my best friend." "He's my dad, but seriously, we act more like brother and sister." But, I feel like we're just saying it to keep it alive lately. You never talk to me anymore, you're always watching tv, or you're just busy. Even when we hang out, I feel like you're so disinterested in what I have to say. I talk and talk and talk, and I get no response from you. Then when you talk, it's not even about what we're talking about. You just start a new conversation. I feel like I don't even have to be there. I don't know what happened. I can feel that I'm not your little girl anymore, and it hurts. More than you'll ever know. I just want my dad back.
That's it for today guys. Mainly because I can't do this without crying. Oh, one more.
To the person reading this...just in case you were wondering, I love you. More than you could ever imagine. More than I should care about people I've never met, actually, people who I have no idea if they actually exist. I love you for being there when I needed you most. These past 5 months have only been possible because of you.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
What does this title mean? It means different things for different people out there.
To the guy who broke my heart and watched me cry and beg for you back...just in case you were wondering, I'm okay. I cried for a while over you and I think that's why I'm okay now. I can see you and not yearn for you because I know what you're capable of. And quite frankly, it disgusts me a little.
To the "friend" I had to cut out of my life...just in case you were wondering, your words don't hurt me. I feel relieved to have cut you out of my life. Your drama WAS too much to handle. You were ridiculous about everything and just too much for me. I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if you do trash me in your blog constantly. I hope you find an inner peace and realize what you have to offer the world. I hope that one day you look at your arm and say, "I don't need to do this anymore." I hope that you find a true love so pure, you can't believe you ever thought you loved anyone else in this world or any other. I hope that one day when you're sitting there, thinking bad about me, you realize that I will have nothing but nice things to say about you. And lastly, I hope that you get over your vices and become the man I know you are inside.
To the people who look at me and feel sorry for me or feel the need to make fun of me because you think that "nerd" is a disease....just in case you were wondering, I don't care what you think. My nerdiness is my own and I love it. I wouldn't change that for anyone or anything in this world. Guess what? My true friends love me for my nerdisms. If you think my nerdisms are too intense for you, don't talk to me. Or just leave those things out of the conversation. I get it, I'm not your type or the type of person who you would want to be friends with. You don't understand my references. That's fine. Just leave me alone then.
To my brother...just in case you were wondering, I wish we were closer. I wish we could hang out and do stuff together. We went through so much together and yet we can barely be in the same room without one of us getting agitated at some point. I don't get it.
To my friends who stick with me through everything...just in case you were wondering, I love you so much for that. I know who you are when you text me to make plans and don't seem annoyed by me the entire time we're together. I couldn't have made it through a lot of the things I've been going through lately if it wasn't for you. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to give me a hug, or just a good tough love talk (Eric), you are so awesome. I wish I could have a million more friends like you.
To my best friend Sam...just in case you were wondering......I am so happy you're back in my life. I like the new you. A lot.
To my mom...just in case you were wondering, I'm okay with you getting married. I think that it's great you want to settle down with him. I just don't get it. Also, I love you. I know we don't always get along and I know that we sometimes (read: always) fight. I know that I can't have a conversation with you sometimes. But, I also know that I would die for you. I would kill for you. You're my mom. I just wish you could see me as the little girl who adored you before all the crap you and dad put Nick and I through. I wish you could understand how I felt inside when we fight and when you tell me that you don't need me in your life. I wish you could feel the anguish I feel when I see people in my life getting matching tattoos with their moms, or going to see a movie with them, or just hanging out with them. You could never know how much you hurt me sometimes. But, you could also never know how much I love you for being my mother and for giving me life. For giving me my little brother. For being the one I cried to about relationships that failed.
To my dad...just in case you were wondering, I miss you. I know you're literally in the next room, but you're not the same anymore. I want my best friend back. I know we say it all the time, "Oh, she's my daughter but she's my best friend." "He's my dad, but seriously, we act more like brother and sister." But, I feel like we're just saying it to keep it alive lately. You never talk to me anymore, you're always watching tv, or you're just busy. Even when we hang out, I feel like you're so disinterested in what I have to say. I talk and talk and talk, and I get no response from you. Then when you talk, it's not even about what we're talking about. You just start a new conversation. I feel like I don't even have to be there. I don't know what happened. I can feel that I'm not your little girl anymore, and it hurts. More than you'll ever know. I just want my dad back.
That's it for today guys. Mainly because I can't do this without crying. Oh, one more.
To the person reading this...just in case you were wondering, I love you. More than you could ever imagine. More than I should care about people I've never met, actually, people who I have no idea if they actually exist. I love you for being there when I needed you most. These past 5 months have only been possible because of you.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
Thursday, September 8, 2011
September 8, 2011. Part 2.
Hello all! I am sitting in school right now. Just took my palpation exam! Good news! 100%! Yeah boyyyy.That's how I roll. Hahaha.
I'm a little disappointed thought because I had plans with someone tonight and I'm pretty sure he's bailing out on me. Which sucks. Hard. But, that's alright. I'll get over it.
There are three rooms where I go to school. Well, in the upstairs area. The one I'm sitting in is the student lounge. It has 3 really crappy computers, a couple of tables with chairs, a microwave, some plastic ware, etc. The other rooms are the lecture room. Just a classroom, really. And the practical room. Which is where we practice on massage on our fellow classmates.
So I am in the student lounge just counting down the minutes, nay the seconds, until we break for lunch. I am freaking starving. I brought one of those tv dinner things tonight. Chicken Fingers. Mmmm. <3
I'm trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to do everything I have to do in my life. I have to graduate in a month, take the National Exams, and start a career. I'm 21! This is ridiculous...I'm really scared. Terrified actually.
On a separate note, a good one, when I did my palpation exam my teacher said "Darth Azwol, the Sith Lady." And that made me quite happy. So now I'm not just Death Star. I'm also Darth Azwol the Sith Lady. Haha.
My phone went off in class today and my ringtone is the Imperial March complete with Darth Vader in the background saying, "The Dark Side of the Force is calling you." It's pretty epic. But, of course, I'm already teased about my Star Wars obsession in school as it is...so they had fun with that one.
"Hmmm, wonder whose phone that could have been.." As they all just stared at me. Haha
Yeah, well, that's pretty much just how I do things.
I had a conversation at work today that I never thought I would have with the people I work with. I was asked by the one girl that works there, where the craziest place I had ever ... gotten busy ... was. She told me hers was in a model home that she was looking at with her husband. Which I thought was hilarious. And awesome. By the way, mine was at the zoo. It was pretty awesome. And hot. The other girl at work though said she had never done anything crazy like that before. Ever. We both just stood there staring at her like, what? And it's not like she's a virgin or anything, she just never did anything crazy. It was just an odd situation to be in.
Have you ever wanted something so much that you're willing to do some not so smart things to get it? Yeah, that's where I am right now. I don't know how to explain it anymore. I don't know how to tell people what it is I want more than I already have. I don't just want someone next to me. I don't just want a cute face. I really don't just want a good lay. I want something real. And I thought I had found it a couple of times and it wasn't. I hope maybe I find it soon. =/
Anyway, I'm going to get back to class and do actual school things.
I love you guys so muchhhh. You have absolutely no idea how much I think about you.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
I'm a little disappointed thought because I had plans with someone tonight and I'm pretty sure he's bailing out on me. Which sucks. Hard. But, that's alright. I'll get over it.
There are three rooms where I go to school. Well, in the upstairs area. The one I'm sitting in is the student lounge. It has 3 really crappy computers, a couple of tables with chairs, a microwave, some plastic ware, etc. The other rooms are the lecture room. Just a classroom, really. And the practical room. Which is where we practice on massage on our fellow classmates.
So I am in the student lounge just counting down the minutes, nay the seconds, until we break for lunch. I am freaking starving. I brought one of those tv dinner things tonight. Chicken Fingers. Mmmm. <3
I'm trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to do everything I have to do in my life. I have to graduate in a month, take the National Exams, and start a career. I'm 21! This is ridiculous...I'm really scared. Terrified actually.
On a separate note, a good one, when I did my palpation exam my teacher said "Darth Azwol, the Sith Lady." And that made me quite happy. So now I'm not just Death Star. I'm also Darth Azwol the Sith Lady. Haha.
My phone went off in class today and my ringtone is the Imperial March complete with Darth Vader in the background saying, "The Dark Side of the Force is calling you." It's pretty epic. But, of course, I'm already teased about my Star Wars obsession in school as it is...so they had fun with that one.
"Hmmm, wonder whose phone that could have been.." As they all just stared at me. Haha
Yeah, well, that's pretty much just how I do things.
I had a conversation at work today that I never thought I would have with the people I work with. I was asked by the one girl that works there, where the craziest place I had ever ... gotten busy ... was. She told me hers was in a model home that she was looking at with her husband. Which I thought was hilarious. And awesome. By the way, mine was at the zoo. It was pretty awesome. And hot. The other girl at work though said she had never done anything crazy like that before. Ever. We both just stood there staring at her like, what? And it's not like she's a virgin or anything, she just never did anything crazy. It was just an odd situation to be in.
Have you ever wanted something so much that you're willing to do some not so smart things to get it? Yeah, that's where I am right now. I don't know how to explain it anymore. I don't know how to tell people what it is I want more than I already have. I don't just want someone next to me. I don't just want a cute face. I really don't just want a good lay. I want something real. And I thought I had found it a couple of times and it wasn't. I hope maybe I find it soon. =/
Anyway, I'm going to get back to class and do actual school things.
I love you guys so muchhhh. You have absolutely no idea how much I think about you.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
September 8, 2011.
Before you read this, you should be prepared for senseless rambling. Something like a stream of consciousness.
Hey guys! I have about an hour before I have to leave for school so I decided to talk to you guys for a bit. So how are you? Yeah, same.... What have you been up to? Really?! That's awesome. Me? Oh, you know, just the same old same old. Can't complain, you know. Oh I can complain? Then here we go.
Today is my palpation exam. And instead of spending my entire day studying which was the initial plan, I ended up having to clean my entire apartment. Why? Because my father decided to leave my dog out of her crate alone and Lacey destroyed everything. Everything. She literally just messed everything up. I had to clean my entire apartment from top to bottom.
I live with my dad and my brother. My brother's bed is as old as sin and it hurts his back. So he sleeps in the living room. Which is fine. Except that he uses the living room as if it's a bedroom. He throws his clothes everything. He leaves his trash laying around. It's disgusting. And then I get stuck cleaning it because I hate living like that. So now my entire apartment is sparkling clean. But, I still have my palpation exam tonight.
Which I am totally not prepared for. Unless I get the Deltoids. Then, I'm set.
I am so tired.
Bah, I'm rambling. I'm literally just writing whatever comes to my mind right now.
Oh! So, apparently I'm sad now? I don't get it. I mean, I kind of do. My status on Facebook yesterday was, "Putting on makeup to go to school so I don't look as bad as I feel. Here we go..." and it was misconstrued to think that I was sad. But, I was just sick. I didn't feel good and I looked like crap to go with it until I made myself up.
I really like Volbeat. It's a band. If you don't listen to them, you should look them up. I love the guys voice. His name is Michael Poulsen. =]
"I've been down but I'm back in the magic zone." - Volbeat.
Bah. I just want to go to sleep. I cannot wait until tonight.
Well, I should probably get ready for school here soon. Okay. Love you guys.
I love you,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
Hey guys! I have about an hour before I have to leave for school so I decided to talk to you guys for a bit. So how are you? Yeah, same.... What have you been up to? Really?! That's awesome. Me? Oh, you know, just the same old same old. Can't complain, you know. Oh I can complain? Then here we go.
Today is my palpation exam. And instead of spending my entire day studying which was the initial plan, I ended up having to clean my entire apartment. Why? Because my father decided to leave my dog out of her crate alone and Lacey destroyed everything. Everything. She literally just messed everything up. I had to clean my entire apartment from top to bottom.
I live with my dad and my brother. My brother's bed is as old as sin and it hurts his back. So he sleeps in the living room. Which is fine. Except that he uses the living room as if it's a bedroom. He throws his clothes everything. He leaves his trash laying around. It's disgusting. And then I get stuck cleaning it because I hate living like that. So now my entire apartment is sparkling clean. But, I still have my palpation exam tonight.
Which I am totally not prepared for. Unless I get the Deltoids. Then, I'm set.
I am so tired.
Bah, I'm rambling. I'm literally just writing whatever comes to my mind right now.
Oh! So, apparently I'm sad now? I don't get it. I mean, I kind of do. My status on Facebook yesterday was, "Putting on makeup to go to school so I don't look as bad as I feel. Here we go..." and it was misconstrued to think that I was sad. But, I was just sick. I didn't feel good and I looked like crap to go with it until I made myself up.
I really like Volbeat. It's a band. If you don't listen to them, you should look them up. I love the guys voice. His name is Michael Poulsen. =]
"I've been down but I'm back in the magic zone." - Volbeat.
Bah. I just want to go to sleep. I cannot wait until tonight.
Well, I should probably get ready for school here soon. Okay. Love you guys.
I love you,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
September 7, 2011.
I have a lot of things on my mind today.
First off, this whole being obsessed with love thing. I really don't understand it. Trying to get me to talk about it or giving me advice, it won't work. I'm not normal. I don't know how else to say this. I have a fixation on falling in love and meeting the right guy. Trust me, I know it's a problem. But, it's not one that I'm really willing to solve. "Jenny, why are you crying over something you can't control?" "Jenny, he's not worth all this." I don't think that people understand why I cry when I dump someone/get dumped. It's not usually over that guy. It's usually because when I'm in a relationship, I throw everything I have into it. I put in 110% and I fall quickly. And I usually convince myself that this one could be happily ever after.
*This is the part where I tell you that most people tell me not to take every relationship so seriously, to just let them grow naturally and see where they go. But, that's not who I am. So...shut up.*
And when it's not happily ever after, I am devastated. I tell myself that I'm stupid for thinking that this guy could have been the one.
I had someone tell me that I should start making a list of what I want in my next relationship. Maybe look back to why the other ones failed and make a list of things that I want the next guy to have. Maybe qualities I want them to possess or things I want to be able to do with them. I might try that. But, that might not be something I show you guys.
The next thing on my mind is school. I have this huge paper due tomorrow and I had it almost finished and it got deleted from my computer. If you knew how pissed I was .... holy crap. I thought someone was going to die. Not that I was going to kill them just that you know, my fury would just kill someone out of it's own volition. So, now I have to redo the entire thing. Grr. And I have work tomorrow morning. Should be a good time.
I know there are people out there that care about me. And I know that there are people out there that only see the good in me and the awesome parts of me. But, these people are not the people who are going to fall in love with me, sweep me off my feet, and let me live happily ever after with them. And so far, the people who have fallen in love with me, aren't exactly the people that I have fallen in love with back. I don't know if it's because they fell in love with me or if it's because they're just not the guy for me. Maybe I'm being too picky. Which is actually quite new for me. Usually I just go with whatever guy is showing me attention at that point. This time I'm actually putting in time and work for each person to get to know them and figure out if we're compatible for a long term relationship. Hopefully this saves me from getting hurt later on.
Something I've realized about myself, I've always thought I was a kind of shallow person. I always thought that the guy I married was going to be this extremely hot guy. But, I'm starting to get so fed up with the pretty boy types. The guys with the muscles and the pretty faces. I just am not interested in them. They start talking to me and they have nothing to say. It's just so annoying. Lately, the guys I've been more attracted to are the smart/funny ones. Which makes me extremely happy, actually. It's weird, though. Celebrity crushes like Colin Egglesfield have just fallen away. He just doesn't appeal to me anymore. I want something real. Something deeper than that gorgeous face of his. Sure, he's good looking, but in reality he's probably kind of a douche who only dates super model chicks anyway. I want a nerd boyfriend. A real one. Not the ones who have become "cool." I hate those guys.
"Yeah bro, I got this totally awesome Super Mario Bros. t-shirt to show off how hip and nerdy I am. Look, non-prescription large rimmed glasses. I'm so cool."
No. A real nerd. One that can watch Red Vs. Blue with me. One that can watch Toy Story with me and point out the Star Wars references. One that can keep up in a Star Wars conversation. I want a real nerd.
Oh and by the way guys, there is nothing wrong with a girl being a nerd. There is nothing wrong with a girl rocking a Star Wars shirt instead of a sundress. There's nothing wrong with me being a little brash or abrasive. It just means we don't pretend to be perfect. We don't go get our nails done every week, or go shopping on the weekends, or doll ourselves up just to go get the mail. Yeah, I'm perfectly comfortable in my sweatpants and an over-sized t-shirt, and yes, I will go out like this. There's nothing wrong with me being a little bit of a tomboy instead of your little miss priss girly girl fantasy. I have a brain and I can use it to not become what every other girl is. Yeah, I cuss like a sailor. Yeah, my favorite word would probably make you cringe. I'm not a Barbie. But, there is nothing wrong with me. I just take a little getting used to.
I love you guys so much for sticking with me through everything. I miss you already.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn. <3
My hair's a wreck. Mascara runs. My feet get dirty and my skin burns in the sun. My lips, they bleed. But I still sing my songs. Takes me a minute to admit it when I'm wrong. Pretty is as pretty does but pretty's not my thing...
This is what you get. This is who I am. Take me now or leave me, anyway you can. Sometimes I trip and fall, but I know where I stand. And if you're thinking about changing my direction, don't mess with imperfection.
Monday, September 5, 2011
September 5, 2011.
Hey all.
So this may not come as a shock to you all, but I'm back in the bad place I started this blog at.
I'm starting to see all of my flaws again. I realize that no guy could ever fall in love with me because I can't even love myself right now.
I'm realizing that it shouldn't matter if a guy is falling in love with me. It should only matter if I like myself and how I feel about me. I shouldn't be so obsessed with a guy falling head over heels with me. Who cares if a guy never looks at me from across a room and smiles just because I'm smiling? I mean, who really needs a guy to look at you when you wake up and tell you that you're beautiful? I know that. But, I can't help it.
You know, I love romantic comedy movies. Even though I cry at them every time. And I have people tell me "I hate romantic comedies, they're not real. That's not real life." Why isn't it? Why can't that be real life? Why is that people say that? Maybe it's not real life because people don't want it to be. Maybe, just maybe, when you meet the right person, that's what real life becomes.
I hate this person that I'm becoming. Why am I so obsessed with falling in love? And if you're reading this, and you think that it would be a smart idea to tell me that I don't need a guy to make me happy or to just let it happen naturally and stop thinking about it so much, I would suggest not doing that. Seriously. I'm sick of people telling me that...
Anyway. That's all I have to talk about today.
I love you.
Jenny-Lynn. <3
So this may not come as a shock to you all, but I'm back in the bad place I started this blog at.
I'm starting to see all of my flaws again. I realize that no guy could ever fall in love with me because I can't even love myself right now.
I'm realizing that it shouldn't matter if a guy is falling in love with me. It should only matter if I like myself and how I feel about me. I shouldn't be so obsessed with a guy falling head over heels with me. Who cares if a guy never looks at me from across a room and smiles just because I'm smiling? I mean, who really needs a guy to look at you when you wake up and tell you that you're beautiful? I know that. But, I can't help it.
You know, I love romantic comedy movies. Even though I cry at them every time. And I have people tell me "I hate romantic comedies, they're not real. That's not real life." Why isn't it? Why can't that be real life? Why is that people say that? Maybe it's not real life because people don't want it to be. Maybe, just maybe, when you meet the right person, that's what real life becomes.
I hate this person that I'm becoming. Why am I so obsessed with falling in love? And if you're reading this, and you think that it would be a smart idea to tell me that I don't need a guy to make me happy or to just let it happen naturally and stop thinking about it so much, I would suggest not doing that. Seriously. I'm sick of people telling me that...
Anyway. That's all I have to talk about today.
I love you.
Jenny-Lynn. <3
Friday, September 2, 2011
September 2, 2011.
Today was a tiring one. I woke early per usual, went to work, and then had to run a bunch of errands before coming home. I feel like so much has happened this week and so much is happening to me all the time.
The last time I wrote, I told you I got a new job. I love it there. Everyone is so relaxed and fun.
Today, I worked from 8 a.m. until about 2 p.m. I was so happy to be there, though. When my dad came and picked me up from work, we went to Denny's for lunch. It was so good. I got a phone call from Justin who told me that I was right about this girl. Again. I swear sometimes people come to me for advice and then when I give it they act like the advice was stupid or wrong. But in the end I'm right about things. I have a serious knack for pinning people and I know people pretty well. Sometimes without even meeting the person. I just don't understand why you would come to someone for advice and then throw the advice away like it doesn't make any sense or something. You obviously thought that I was tuned in enough to advise you on the situation, why is it that when you don't like the advice given you act like I'm the one who doesn't know what I'm talking about? Oh well. Once again I was proven right and once again I was told, "I should've listened to you."
Then I went with my dad and my brother to get some things for the house, pay some bills, that sort of thing. When we came home, we watched a movie, and I got on the computer. I really need to take a nap. But, I want to go out tonight! Gr.
Anyway, everything else is pretty much the same. Still single, still in school, still just trying to live my life for me.
Let's see, I'm friends with Oliver. I can't remember if I told you that already or not. I like where our friendship is.
To the guy who told me to let love happen organically: I know. Trust me, I know. I have been letting it happen organically. Or at least, I've been just sitting back and hoping it happens organically. I'm sure it will and when it does it's going to hit me like a ton of fireworks right in the core of my soul. I know that when it happens, I'm going to feel it like one hundred thousand balloons all filling up in my heart at once. And I'll marry that guy. Remember, when I get married, I want to be very married.
I just need to find the guy that wants that too. And not just any guy. I have to want him back, obviously.
Anyway, that's really all that's been happening with me.
Oh right. And I have Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5 stuck in my head. =]
I love you guys so so so so so much. I wish I could tell you just how much. I wish I could see your face and tell you that you mean the world to me and that without you, I don't know how I could have gotten to where I am today. =]
Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.
Jenny-Lynn. <3
The last time I wrote, I told you I got a new job. I love it there. Everyone is so relaxed and fun.
Today, I worked from 8 a.m. until about 2 p.m. I was so happy to be there, though. When my dad came and picked me up from work, we went to Denny's for lunch. It was so good. I got a phone call from Justin who told me that I was right about this girl. Again. I swear sometimes people come to me for advice and then when I give it they act like the advice was stupid or wrong. But in the end I'm right about things. I have a serious knack for pinning people and I know people pretty well. Sometimes without even meeting the person. I just don't understand why you would come to someone for advice and then throw the advice away like it doesn't make any sense or something. You obviously thought that I was tuned in enough to advise you on the situation, why is it that when you don't like the advice given you act like I'm the one who doesn't know what I'm talking about? Oh well. Once again I was proven right and once again I was told, "I should've listened to you."
Then I went with my dad and my brother to get some things for the house, pay some bills, that sort of thing. When we came home, we watched a movie, and I got on the computer. I really need to take a nap. But, I want to go out tonight! Gr.
Anyway, everything else is pretty much the same. Still single, still in school, still just trying to live my life for me.
Let's see, I'm friends with Oliver. I can't remember if I told you that already or not. I like where our friendship is.
To the guy who told me to let love happen organically: I know. Trust me, I know. I have been letting it happen organically. Or at least, I've been just sitting back and hoping it happens organically. I'm sure it will and when it does it's going to hit me like a ton of fireworks right in the core of my soul. I know that when it happens, I'm going to feel it like one hundred thousand balloons all filling up in my heart at once. And I'll marry that guy. Remember, when I get married, I want to be very married.
I just need to find the guy that wants that too. And not just any guy. I have to want him back, obviously.
Anyway, that's really all that's been happening with me.
Oh right. And I have Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5 stuck in my head. =]
I love you guys so so so so so much. I wish I could tell you just how much. I wish I could see your face and tell you that you mean the world to me and that without you, I don't know how I could have gotten to where I am today. =]
Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.
Jenny-Lynn. <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)