June 23, 2011.

Hey all. I guess let's start with an apology. I know I keep waiting forever to write to you guys and lately when I have written it was just, blah. I haven't been opening up to you guys as much as I would like to. So, here we go.
The past couple days have been harder for me than they should have been. I hate that this is having to be written but, if I want to be honest with myself, it does. Jon left me.
The one guy that has made me so happy and showed me what it felt like to be 100% at the top of my world. And, he's gone. No one did anything wrong. No cheating, no lying, no screaming fights. He just didn't want this anymore. At least not for now. My friends are trying to be helpful but of course, they're not. They're saying things like:
"No offense, but I think he left you for another girl. This is just too weird."
"Oh well, he's a douchebag."
"You were only dating like, a month. Let it go."
To combat these remarks, I'd like to say this. First off, he didn't leave me for another girl. He left me because he doesn't know what he wants. He can't figure out if this awesome thing that was happening between us is as awesome as he'd like it to be. And if he was leaving me for another girl, hearing you say it doesn't help me. Believe it or not, it hits a spot way down deep that just makes it all worse. Second, he is not a douchebag. He is the sweetest, most caring, most amazing, funniest, greatest guy. He deserves to be happy more than anyone I have ever known. And if I'm not what or who is doing that for him, then I want him to go find who or what will. And lastly, to quote one of my newest friends, the heart can't tell how long it's been. It just knows what it feels and how strongly it feels it. When I met Jon, alarms went off, the light bulb came on, and I realized that is what I had been missing out on with all the other losers and low-lifes and cheaters and liars. I had been missing the person that makes me want to wake up in the morning and just be a better person. He is the one I want to lay down next to at night and wake up next to the next morning. He keeps me going through out the day. Even the bad days. He's the reason I just shrug off the little annoyances and just focus on the good in life. The reason I am saying "is" instead of "was" is simply because he still is that person. If there was one thing I could say to him right now it would be this...
Jon, you are an amazing man. You have a great sense of humor, you're sweet, you're honest, and have an overall kick ass personality. Not to mention, look at you. You're hot. And with all that being said, I hope you find what it is that is going to make you happy. I hope you can fill that emptiness inside of you and reignite the passion for life. I wish I could have been the one to do that for you, and maybe one day I will be. I'm glad to say I know you and I always will be. I miss you so much and I am constantly hoping that whatever you're doing, wherever you're doing it, and whomever you're doing it with, that you're happy. And I hope that you think about me and the brief yet amazing time we spent together. I love you just as much now, if not more, than I did when I first met you.

And for the rest of you out there in the blog world, I love you too. You're always there for me when I need you and you never nag at me to do more for you.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn <3

June 9, 2011.

Hey everyone! Tonight is a very frustrating night. Let's start out with this. I waited almost an hour for my ride home from school tonight. By myself by the way, because no one in my class has the courtesy to sit there for a bit and wait with me. I'm sorry. Two people asked me if I wanted them to sit with me while I waited. Two people. Out of about 15. That's kind of ridiculous. But, whatever. It just shows that some people are genuinely good people and others aren't. And it shows which is which.
Then, I get home and my brother is taken to the Emergency Room because he was coughing so much he literally couldn't take a breath without coughing up a lung. So, that's happening.
Then, I look on Facebook and see that Jon has posted a couple things. And that his ex has commented on or liked literally EVERYTHING he has posted. It's just very ... annoying.
My self-esteem isn't quite up to par tonight. I dont know why. Nothing in particular happening. Just hating everything I see again. I really hope this doesn't last too long. I hate these phases. One day, I look in the mirror and go "Wow, I look cute." Get all happy, all that stuff. And the next day, I look in the mirror and want to punch it. Tonight is the latter of the two.
I just wish I could hold Jon tonight. Have him tell me that everything is okay and that I'm gorgeous. All of the wonderful things he says to me on a regular basis.
Well, that's all there is to it tonight. Sorry for the short, not-so-happy blog guys. Remember that I love you and that I'm so glad you're in my life.
Love,
Jenny-Lynn <3

March 31, 2011.

So yesterday's blog was a little difficult for me to write. I'm not used to sharing personal information with people I know, let alone the internet abyss where I have no idea who is reading this. I guess let's start today with where I am mentally. I wore a bunch of makeup and I felt pretty good about myself for a while. But, of course, because of who I am and where I am emotionally, the fun never lasts.

Somehow, I always find a way to make myself miserable. I hate it. For instance, today I tried to go out with Josh* and when I found out the one place I wanted to go didn't accept credit cards (Josh's only means of currency at this point) I got genuinely upset. It wasn't his fault but I got really upset. I was able to calm myself down and apologize but it still put a huge damper on the day. 

Last night, at school, I was listening to the lecture portion of the class, and the teacher doing it said something that I never realized would have annoyed me. She said, "Don't be a statistic..." and then went on with what her point. Unfortunately, that phrase irritated me more than anything else she said. And she said some pretty ridiculous things. For example, "Have you ever been to Greece? It's warmer than Europe." Excuse me, ma'am, Greece is part of Europe. Anyway, what annoyed me about her telling the class not to be a statistic was no matter what you do, you will always be a statistic. If you become a teen mom, you are a statistic, if not, you're still a statistic. You're just the other side of the statistic. If 2 in 4 teens become parents, and you don't, you're just part of the 1/2 of the population that doesn't. I don't know why that frustrated me so much, but it did. 

Ok, on to the next topic. I heard a quote last night that I really like, as opposed to having it annoy the crap out of me. "Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its pupils." According to the person I heard it from it was an anonymous quote, but thanks to Google, I have discovered a man named Hector Berlioz is accredited with this quote. 

I got to hang out with a great friend of mine last night as well. One of our stops was to the McDonald's drive-thru where we were greeted with, and I quote, "You wanna try a muthafuckin chocolate shake?" Followed immediately, IMMEDIATELY, by "You gonna order?" My friend and I sat there, shocked, for a couple of seconds. Laughing a little, my friend continued to ask the woman, "Do you guys have a late night menu or is the entire menu available?" It just stayed silent. "Ok, can I get a number 8 with extra pickles?" .....silence....I don't think either of us have ever laughed that hard. We agreed that the appropriate response was probably anger but we couldn't stop laughing long enough to try it. 

Let's get to the personal section. Today's self-esteem levels are a little higher than yesterday, which scares me. That usually means, in my world, that it will get higher and higher until it just crashes into a million different shards of self-pity. I guess there's really not that much to write about today, so I'm going to go ahead and sign off. 

Love, 

Jenny-Lynn. <3